star wars

today i was wearing my target bought star wars t-shirt. at the end of french class, the geekboy just short of a rat tail caught my attention. he asked me "have you ever read any of the star wars books, or have you just seen the movies?"
i should probably mention his voice cracked.

a short term effect (lets base this on real life)

he did not recognize a single face when he walked into the room and sat down in the hard plastic chair. everyone was a stranger, and the feeling of never seeing so many people before was new to him. he was from a small town, and wherever he had gone he always recognized at least someone he had met at least once or twice at a party or something. thats when we shook hands and introduced ourselves. we became close once we realized we were both tired of talking about the weather.

we went to the back of the school and lay in the damp football field.
one year earlier a thirteen year old boy had died there. we had gone to the memorial even though we didnt know the kid. there were candles and flowers and crayon drawings. everything about it was morbidly fascinating and we shared the guilt of being there, somewhere we didnt belong. i remember the crying parents, and the girl with the words "we shall never forget" written with a pen on her thin wrist. i had made fun of it and he looked at me like i was a bitch, because all i am is a dumb bitch.
the damp had seeped into our clothes. we got in his car and drove past the hospital and up the mountain. i wasnt wearing my seatbelt and he was driving fast. i had flashes of us flying off the road, and it thrilled me. the music was to loud and filled the hollows of our bodies.





i give up.

lostnfound

Edie

kira.yells.

gang of four

factory setting

kaiandtristan

school + postmodernism = 5

i know what you're thinking

They sat in the dry grass with limbs tangled. Pollen was being carried in the air and she would sneeze occasionally, trying to hide as her face crinkled, giving a flash of the future, with her delicate hand. After teasing her she told him to get lost, and he did. He got up and went to the bus stop, and she did not go after him. She got up and rode her bike home. She could not explain her feelings rationally and as much as she hated him, daydreams of them together always snuck in. she rode her bike absentmindedly and almost got hit by a car. This did not bother her. At home she took some Claritin and rubbed her eyes. He called her later that night inviting her out, but she denied for whatever reason she gave herself. Instead she went to bed and pretended nothing was there. A couple days later at school he came up to her and her friend, but instead of acknowledging him she turned to her friend and became extremely interested in nail polish. He was neither ugly nor handsome, she felt she could do better. Her friend pointed out there was nothing wrong with him and nothing else had more potential. She took this into account and decided she was not ready for a "relationship" full of sweaty palms and awkward glances. this decision stopped nothing. it did not solve the glances he would give her, and the feeling she got from them.

i feel very cut off from humanity out here in the boonies of south boulder.